I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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