So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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