Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
