I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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