i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
