now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
