I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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