at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
