Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
