he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
