I have demons in me.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
