Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
