I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
