Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
