She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize