Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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