We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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