evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
