phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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