either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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