When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
