I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
