No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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