Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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