she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I AM VODKA MAN
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
