5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
