Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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