Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
