so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
