Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
