I wish I could punch you in the face.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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