Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
is wine microwaveable?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Im part way to drunk.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
