They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
