Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
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