What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
