After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize