go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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