The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
