so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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