get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
