i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You ate ashes out of my bong
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
