its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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