So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
