god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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