he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
