Where are you?
In a non slutty way
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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