That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
