meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
