I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
