just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
