Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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