Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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