So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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