yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
