The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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