You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
