she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
