I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
We left an ass print on the piano.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
