I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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