I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
