We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
