Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
