So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
