I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
