if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
