is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
