Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
