You're so nebulous sometimes
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize